How to overcome shyness

How to overcome shyness: Hello… friends I am Sunil In today’s blog I am going to write 4 key tips on how you can reduce your level of shyness when talking to people whether it’s your boss, co-workers or anyone you meet in a professional setting.

When I asked for corporate professionals what it is that tends to hold them back from getting the jobs that they want or from developing deeper relationships with others at work. I tend to here “I am really shy”, “I don’t know how to talk to people well”, “I get nervous”, “I just don’t know what to say”. If this you, know that this is completely normal.

Shyness is completely natural reaction and you shouldn’t beat yourself up because you tend to be shy in front of others.

So today I am going to help you to understand where I believe your shyness really comes from, and my four tips on how you can overcome it. In society, a lot of us tend to think of shy people as people who are gentle, sweet and who are nice kind of fragile but of course they just don’t talk a lot because they’re shy and that may or may not be true.

And if you are someone who shies you may have those qualities as well, maybe you were born into a certain culture or society where you were raised to believe that you need to be humble, conservative and you can’t be too extroverted. Because that’s not a quality that is good to have in that certain culture society and as a result of that you’ve become this person who is shy. But here is the thing that you really should know “Shyness is something that can be learnt and practised over time”.

Yes, you may have a tendency to be shy but that’s because you have practised it all your life, So if you want to stop being shy? Yes, you can, You just simply have to even learn it from within yourself. And here’s another fact that once you realize that this is true for you if you’re someone who’s shy will actually help you to really unlearn and eliminate the shy tendencies and here it is

                                  The reason why you are shy

                                And have a trouble connecting with others

                                  Is because you are way too focused

                                  On yourself.

You are saying yourself “I don’t think they like me”, “I don’t know how to talk to them”, “I am worried what they think of me right now”, and with all of these worries and thoughts you cut yourself off from being able to have a truly meaningful conversation with this other person. Because you are way too consumed with yourself and if you were, to be honest with yourself I know that you would agree with me, You are way too lost in your own head with your own thoughts about yourself. So now that you know why and where your shyness comes from, let’s talk about how you can help yourself to overcome it. So the solution to stop being shy

Tip 1: Adopt a Curious Mindset

When you are in a situation where you are talking to other people shift your focus away from yourself from your own fears and nervousness away from you and towards the other person, shift your focus from the other person.

This may sound silly but a good way to think of it acts as though you are almost a news reporter and you are trying to interview someone and you are trying to get information for a new segment that you are doing. As a news reporter, you adopt a curious mindset because you want to know more about that other person that you are talking to. So by adopting a curious mindset, you were able to

  • engage with them 
  • you are asking them questions
  • You are wanting to learn more about them
  • Your full energy is focused on learning  about that other person.

So when you are at the office and you come across a coworker just ask them questions like whether they up to? what are they doing what are they working on? What are they eating and you want to ask from genuine curiosity, not from a place of I am asking these questions because I want to be accepted?

Tip 2: Elaborate on your responses.

When someone asked you questions don’t just give them one-word answers. For Example: If they asked you  Are you enjoying the work that you’re doing? Don’t just say yes and leave it that. Say Yes… “ I am enjoying the work that I am doing” because of reason number one and reason number two and maybe even reason number three.

Tip 3 : Have a story to share

Another way to connect with the other person is instead of just giving them one-word answers or just giving them a couple of sentences. Have a story to share, have the story you can tell them about that relates to the exact topic that both of you are talking about.

As humans, we love to hear stories and when you are able to share a story that is meaningful to whatever it is that you are talking about with another person, you are able to engage them and this is what develops your bond with the other person in a closer way. So the there component to a good story

Good stories to share with your friends.

  • Include the situation – Setting up the story, what was going wrong, what are the issues, how you were  feeling, How they were feeling
  • Telling them what you did as a result of that situation and what you were your action steps. And finally what was the end results. Like these stories helps you to stop being shy  

Tip 4: Be present and listen intently

Have you ever been in a situation where you are talking to someone, they ask you a question and you are answering their questions but you can tell they are not even really listening to your answer, they are just waiting for you to finish talking so that they can jump in and ask you another question. Don’t do that… Don’t be waiting for them to finish answering your previous question, just to ask them another question because they will know that you didn’t actually listen to what they said. Here is a fact

                                         People usually can tell 

                                        When you’re not listening to

                                         them and when you’re

                                        lost in your own thoughts.   

As much as you may think that you’re good at disguising, it is quite noticeable for most of us. And here’s a quote that I think is very fitting for this topic

how to adopt a new workplace environment

                                     “We build too many walls and not enough bridges

– Isaac Newton

So there you have it my four tips on how to overcome shyness and start building bridges with other people. If you like this article please don’t hesitate to share with your friends.

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